I’ve been wanting to write this post for the longest time, but have always been quite nervous of doing it I suppose. I want to write about a moment that happens to a lot of us when you are forced to start again from scratch after a series of unfortunate events. How do you cope? What do you do? Where does one go from here?
Now a fair few of you may know that this has been quite an awful year for me; the end of a relationship that was out of my control, (ongoing) heartbreak, being forced to move out of my lovely flat and the end of my previous job all happening within a month takes a toll on a person, and as someone who absolutely hates things happening outside of my control, I literally spiralled. I moved back home temporarily while my depression came back with a vengeance, and eventually moved somewhere new. I was unemployed for 4 months and as my moving out/re-moving was unplanned, I used every penny I had into moving/rent/deposits etc and had to rely on family, loans, and benefits to pay my rent and buy food.
I spent the majority of my days in my room in a near catatonic state, only moving to cry and/or do something destructive, thinking about how far back I had moved in life. From having my own flat and thinking about a future with someone who I thought was the love of my life, to moving out, being broke, living with housemates and being alone again at age 28, I started comparing my life to others my age who were getting married, having kids or just being in amazing relationships. Even though none of what happened was my fault, I began to blame myself for this series of events. I blamed myself for not being good enough, and for stupidly thinking that I could ever be happy with someone or that someone would genuinely want to be with me for a long time.
So what do you do when everything is pulled from underneath you and you’re forced to start from scratch? Well, to be honest, I don’t know, as I’m still pushing through it hoping to eventually one day see the light at the end of the tunnel.
A few awesome things have happened within the past couple months, such as writing articles for Elle Magazine and GQ Magazine, finding an awesome role within the job sector I’ve always wanted, and doing cool blog things, all things I don’t take for granted at all and am very thankful for – however when it comes to my mental and emotional health, things are still quite painful and stagnant. People say that time is a healer and that you have to go through dark periods in order to see the light. People say that you have to be broken in order to be stronger and that everything happens for a reason, but I don’t know yet. I guess because I’m still in the dark, I struggle to see a positive future.
- One thing that I found really helped me was opening up. If you aren’t able to speak to your family, talk to your friends or even people you are friendly with online because it’s always good to hear another perspective, right? I know some people say that too many opinions on a situation are bad, but for me, I found it incredibly helpful, as most opinions tended to fall within one of two places.
- Getting up and doing small things. As I mentioned above, a large amount of my time was spent in bed sleeping, crying or blogging. Although the latter helped a bit, it wasn’t until I forced myself to take daily walks that my mood began to improve a little bit. Sometimes your brain just needs a blast of fresh air to renew itself.
- Scroll through your Ho’lodex. If you’re into that sort of thing, then by all means, do what you have to do! Happens to the best of us. Sometimes it helps. *coughs*
- Religion/Spirituality/Meditation. It’s actually abhorrent that I’m listing this right underneath my last bullet point tbh. However, I have found that the power of prayer and being closer to God has REALLY helped me through some of my darkest periods. I’ve also started meditating a lot to help me sleep and it’s done wonders for me. I’d suggest either the ‘Headspace‘ or ‘Calm‘ apps if you want to start meditating.
- Retail Therapy. Due to an intense lack of funds this summer, I haven’t really been in the position to treat myself to anything, however, if you are in a better position I would definitely advise treating yourself every now and again. You deserve it. You’ve made it this far.
- Take things one step at a time. It’s so easy to think about the bigger picture of what you want your life to be. You sometimes try and complete all your goals at once but it’s important to take things step by step. To try and distract myself from my heartbreak, I put the little strength I had in job searching and creating an awesome CV. I would spend up to 8 hours a day applying and re-amending my cover letters and eventually, it paid off. Now that I have the job situation covered, my next step is to try and focus on healing my heart.
- Look after yourself. Because it’s so easy to fall off the wagon when you’re hurting. During the most intense parts of this year, I was all over the place. I stopped eating properly, stopped sleeping, ended up losing a stone and a half, was hit by a motorbike because I was crying in public and wasn’t looking where I was going, I unintentionally stopped eating for eight days as my appetite had disappeared and stopped looking after myself. Self-care is incredibly important during the most stressful times.
All I know is that for the time being, I’m happy to continue creating awesome content on here and if it wasn’t for my blog this summer, I don’t know where I would be. It’s been the one thing keeping me afloat this year.
So here’s to those of us who have had to take a few steps back in life at a later age. Here’s to those of us who are having to start life again from scratch and here’s hoping that one day, we find ourselves back within the light: happy, healthy and thriving.