The above title is not just an incredibly awesome song by super-girl group En-Vogue, oh no, the concept of freeing your mind is a motto that I have tried to live by over the past couple of years in relation to self acceptance and confidence in myself and in this post today I thought I’d talk about the subjects of letting things in, letting things go and freeing your mind of things that eventually end up stunting your growth and emotional development.
1) Learning to not let my insecurity hold me back from oppurtunities
When I first started out in the blogging game nearly seven years ago, I had quite a few oppurtunities from PR brands and companies which related to either photoshoots or some sort of campaign where I would have to be photographed. I would turn them all down for fear of people judging how I looked. Looking back on it now, I wish I had the confidence that I have now to turn around and accept them! As someone who is plus size, I understand that putting yourself out there to be seen by the masses (especially online) is a pretty daunting task – I refused to take full body photos of me until I was around 21 – and as cliche as it sounds, It’s a fear that’s completely in our heads. You have to think that people are offering you these oppurtunities for a reason; because you’re an awesome, amazing and beautiful person and who are you to refuse #ALLDATPRAISE? Bask in the glory, take those oppurtunities and WERK.
2) Letting go of insecurities
The age-old question: how do you let go of your insecurities? If you google this question there are bound to be pages upon pages of tips, tricks and lists, but being insecure is subjective and what may work for one will not necessarily work for others. For me, I found that eventually opening up and talking to loved ones was a huge step for me; seeing myself through others’eyes is mindblowing and it was when I realised that I had been coating myself in a cloud of negativity and seeing the world through a magnifying glass of self hate. Another train of thought I used, and still use is to think to myself “would I speak to someone else the way I’m speaking about myself?”. Sometimes you have to think outside of yourself and imagine yourself as a seperate entity; this entity that has been working so hard all your life to keep you healthy and alive, is this how you repay them, with insults and hate?
3) Don’t overthink
The longer you think about doing something, the more your insecurities can get the better of you – and the more time you’ll have to talk yourself out of making a decision that scares you. I feel it’s so important to think things over to a point, then just stop and act on it. This leads back to point one and not letting fear overcome your actions. If you had told me two years ago that I would be putting up a photo of myself in a bikini of all things, I would have laughed in your face. One day I just decided to stop letting the fear or judgment or what other people may think of my body control me and posted the photo of myself and it was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done. At the end of the day, what’s the worse thing that can happen? A few people making jibes over your TOTALLY NORMAL and UNPHOTOSHOPPED BODY?
4) It’s normal to have negative thoughts, but you don’t have to accept them
Negative thoughts are a part of human functioning; you don’t have to worry when you do get them, however you don’t have to believe them. Your mind would have you believe that all of your thoughts are correct and one of the ways in which it does this is having you think that it and you are one. The truth is that your mind is just one part of you. Being able to seperate your thoughts from your sense of self is such a useful thing to master; you are not your mind, your mind is just a tool for you to use. What’s more important is your sense of self and awareness, and being able to listen to that part of you.
5) Allowing yourself to feel accepted/wanted
I went through this phase in my life where I hated the idea of people giving me compliments because in my head, I felt that I either did not deserve them or that I was not good enough. I would never go out or allow myself to fancy guys because in my head, I was already a write-off. Even when I met my current boyfriend, the insecure part of me tried as much as possible to keep me from being happy, from feeling accepted, from feeling wanted and from feeling that I too, was not deserving of love because of how I looked and my weight. Feeling like this is absolutely no way to live!
You look in the mirror in all your dressed down, bare-faced glory and you tell yourself that you ARE good enough. You are a good, decent and kind person. You are a human being with wants and needs just like everybody else and that you deserve to be loved. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and the sooner you acknlowedge that, the more your inner light will shine with confidence and like moths to a flame, people will flock to that light. You have cellulite and stretchmarks; deep collarbones, prominent hip bones, freckles, moles, chubby cheeks, Steve Buschemi eyes, sausage fingers, bingo wings, a FUPA, a double chin AND you still listen to Vanilla Ice for leisure and you are STILL awesome as fuck and you STILL deserve to be loved because there is absolutely no one on earth right now that is like you or can even compare. You tell yourself that every day and rock what the good Lord gave you to the fullest of your ability because at the end of the day, this is the body that we are going to have for life and there isn’t enough plastic surgery in the world that can change how we feel about ourselves from within, so ROCK IT!