Dear Shardinay…

I wasn’t going to do this but I know my spirit will NOT rest until I get this out, so without further ado:

Dear Shardinay,

*opens arms* Come here girl…just come for a hug because…girl…you tried…you tried. However…
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

You call yourself a “Youtube Sensation”, yet you only have 8 fans on Facebook. #WOMP. What on God’s green earth possessed you to think that you could actually carve out a singing career based on this clusterfuck of a song?
You see, I wouldn’t have been so hard on it if it had come out that you maybe have some sort of disability or learning disorder- I would have been a bit more sympathetic, however, for you to actually think you are THEE SHIT because of this…Oh no, you really need to face reality honey.

Let’s start with the video why don’t we?
1) I am so MAD that you shot this fuckery on a Sony Cybershot camcorder.

2) You took me wayyyyy back into 2001 one with those clothes you people were wearing. You really had dude wearing Londsdale? LONDSDALE? In this day and age?? Couldn’t you afford at Hi-Tech at LEAST?

3)Out of all the women in that video, why did you choose the one who looks like Janice Dickinson to sit next to you in the car?

As for the song….lets be frank. It’s a clusterfuck of woe. The song sounds like it was made on Fruityloops on a Windows 95, it it changed from being 1990’s faux RnB to Funky House all of a sudden…who does that?!
You obviouly learned your choerography from the Darrin’s Dance Grooves DVD or Pineapple Studios Hip Hop Workout DVD. It’s obvious mate.

As for your voice.
I mean….REALLY? You sound like a cat being dragged to hell. Upon hearing that first note, my spirit decided to just quit on life. iCouldn’t. You’ve officially offended all of my 5 senses and you should be ashamed.
What you need to do is focus less on your singing and your haters and focus more on touching up your edges because that bleach is doing nothing but BBQing your hairline and do something about your makeup because you’re in the video looking like Charizard.

iCannot. (Goes to watch Pokemon on Youtube)

Yours Disgsustingly,

Stephanie