23rd October 2009
And So The Lamb Fell In Love With The Lion…
Today I got my first tattoo.
I’ve completely fallen in love with it.
It hurt like hell, but I loved the pain…it helped me..it’s like, everything I was feeling mentally was released into that physical pain.
Yesterday, I was on the bus and this quote came to me out of nowhere ‘And so the lamb fell in love with the lion…silly little lamb”- I feel that quote describes everything about me…falling for the wrong people…loving people who hurt me, take me for granted, take advantage, trying to help out people who don’t give a fuck..and so now, everytime i look at this tattoo, it will remind me not to make the same mistakes again, not to be ‘silly’ in the choices I make, to be vigilant about people…to become a stronger person instead of staying naive/vulnerable…like a lamb.
One of my friends advised me to really think about this as tattoos are permanent, but I feel it was the ideal quote and time to get this especially after what i’ve been through in the past week. A week that I never want to experience in my life again, that feeling of being MAJORLY played when I had done nothing wrong. I don’t deserve that and I don’t deserve being tarred with the same brush as other women because I know that I am a good woman who means no harm to anybody. All i want to do is love and be loved.
I suppose this tattoo is a whole part of the healing process. I’ve learned a huge lesson this year in terms of relationships. All this time i’ve been blaming myself for what’s happened: wasn’t I pretty enough? Wasn’t I interesting enough? I even started thinking maybe it was because I wasn’t light enough. Yes, ludicrous things I was thinking..because as far as i’m concerned, I made the best out of that relationship and i did EVERYTHING to make sure I was good..so I don’t get why..I just don’t.
Anyway. I’m out. Work tomorrow.
ps. I have the strongest urge in the world to eat Salmon!!
Does this mean anything lmao!?