"Insecurity is an ugly thing. It makes you hate people you don’t even know."
I thought long and hard before writing this post, as; A) I’m not the most eloquent of writers and sometimes my thoughts tend to go all over the place and B) I didn’t want this to look like an ‘Oh woe is me, someone’s being mean’-type piece. However there comes a time when such things need to be addressed, and there’s only so much one can take before they reach a boiling point.
I, much like most (if not all bloggers and vloggers), are often of the receiving end of criticism, hate-mail, negative comments, whatever have you. It comes with the gig, we expect it and often times it’s not and should not be a mahoosive deal, because #fuckthehaters. There comes a time however, when enough becomes enough. In my case, I normally get spiteful/hateful messages 2/3 times every couple of days via email, blog comments and tumblr comments, which is slightly baffling to me because in the ring of plus size blogging, I’m still a small fish, but that’s neither here nor there. Over the past year and a half, I have particularly received comments regarding my race, and my so-called ‘imitation’ of current plus size bloggers.
While I appreciate and take on board all comments including criticism (I wholeheartedly welcome it as it helps me improve my blog!), I do think that people need to establish the difference between constructive criticism, and being damn right rude and nasty. Constructive criticism is designed to point out mistakes, yet also show where certain areas can be improved; it should be used as useful feedback that can help you improve yourself, rather than put you down.
I recently received a very hateful email which spoke about myself and other black bloggers not being able to achieve the same amount of exposure as white bloggers in the UK. The tone in which she wrote the email was horrible and even racist; however there are tones of that comment that do have some truth to it. I do believe that there should be more UK exposure of plus size bloggers of ethnic origin, whether it be black, Asian, mixed race etc in order for everyone (as well as consumers) to feel fairly represented. Now, if the person behind the email had left the comment like that, it would have been fine. But to insult my physical features and be subtly racist about the issue is frankly, taking the piss.
I understand that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I do wish that these people would stop and think things through thoroughly because they hit send proceed to mess someone’s day up. While I am used to trolls, it still hurts. Up until a year ago, I had never previously shown a full body photo of me online as I had virtually no confidence and my self-esteem was piss poor; self love/body confidence issues that I’m still trying to deal with today. It takes a lot for me to post photos of myself for everyone to see and while I expect some backlash, it’s still pretty hurtful to receive such comments, especially those dealing with race and my ‘alleged; copying of other bloggers, which is complete rubbish.
I’d also like to take this time to thank everyone who commented on IG and Twitter with their words of support. I was honestly overwhelmed with the amount of responses I have received as like I said above, my blog isn’t that well known. I thank each and every one of you all with your kind words, it has really made me feel quite emotional and has only spurred me to continue blogging and not to give up on something that I am incredibly passionate about! Thank you also to all the fellow bloggers who sent in kind comments too! Within the plus size blog world there are times when I do feel a bit alone as the community can sometimes feel a bit cliqued, however the support has been overwhelming today, thank you!
There are a few thoughts that I could add to this post, however I’ve suddenly become aware of the length and I’m at work while typing this (bleugh), so..
This’ll be the last time I address topics of this nature on here as I only want positive vibes! As a wise prophet once proclaimed, ‘(we)…don’t need no hateration or holleration in this dancery’*.
*Mary J Blige – Dance for Me (song’s a classic!).